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walkwithmyheart
24 September 2007 @ 09:24 pm
  [PRIVATE]

Moritz came over today. His father is upset with him for doing poorly in school - although that is definitely an understatement - and it makes me so angry. Education is important, but what kind of message does it send when, if you fail out of a class or get a bad grade, everyone thinks that your life is over? Things aren't done if you do poorly. I hate all this shame and scorn that we put upon students who do struggle. It makes me sick to know that many people don't know the problems they are causing for their children and for the people around them because they can't handle a single low mark.

I assured Moritz of this, but I don't know if it helped. We ended up kissing again, albeit, only for a short time. He still seems nervous about the physical contact, about the two of us because of - his own insecurities, I guess, and the things that have been hammered into us ever since we began attending church as tiny children. I don't want him to feel anxious and ashamed, but at the same time, I want to keep exploring this and I don't know how far I can push Moritz.

Before Moritz came over, I walked home from school with Otto and we took the long way back in hopes of talking to Ilse. She was dancing and singing with some other artists, and as we passed by her, she looked at us, but there was no recognition in her eyes. She seemed so far gone, lost in another world. Was it really only Friday afternoon when she was so lively and so childlike, playing pirates with us and engaging everyone in our childhood games again? I wonder how truly happy she is. At least she got out of her home. I know it was toxic there for her. But I wonder how much better it is at Preopia. Sometimes she seems like she's doing well. Others... I don't know. I want to talk to her soon and she how she's doing it, but it's almost like she has to come to you. Seeking her out seems to do almost nothing.

I asked Thea about her statements about Moritz today, but she has yet to respond. I would gladly sacrifice her friendship for Moritz', especially at the cruel and unthinking way she spoke, but I hope it will not come to that.
 
 
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
 
 
walkwithmyheart
24 September 2007 @ 03:18 pm
I know I have been absent lately. Most of my time is spent in the woods, sometimes exploring the river and hills by the valley, and sometimes in the meadow writing in my journal. I have been talking with Wendla Bergmann more often and sometimes we sit by the oak tree and talk about the day laborers and volunteering.

I feel guilty about spending most of my time outside, especially because Moritz came looking for me and I was not at home. I worry so much about him, and I know I need to be here to talk to him. I believe he will be coming over here soon.

Ilse is somewhere outside of town, singing. I can hear her now. We haven't spoken since the meet-up. Things haven't really changed, although we all do smile at each other when we pass in the streets, as if sharing some secret. I had hoped that the event would bring us all closer and rekindle our old friendships, back in the years when we were all inseparable. Perhaps it will just take time.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Ilse
 
 
walkwithmyheart
21 September 2007 @ 11:20 pm
The meet-up was more than I could have imagined! We practically had to roll Ilse down the hill. She ate so many of the eclairs. I walked Wendla and Moritz to their respective houses, and am now contemplating going back out. I know that it's late and I should probably write up what happened today, but I'd rather be outside.
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Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
walkwithmyheart
21 September 2007 @ 10:49 am

I spent all morning baking eclairs with Mama, and am now updating this livejournal from school. We're supposed to be researching for our project on ways of life, but I already completed mine about the bohemian lifestyle. Several days ago, I spent an afternoon with Ilse and she told me all about living in the artist's colony. I used to worry about her and wonder if she was all right, but she's taking care of herself and it seems like she's having fun there. I confess that, when she posted in her Facebook about wanting some company in her wigwam, I nearly joined her. Sometimes I want to return back to my childhood and to play and not care, but I hardly feel that way anymore. There are more important things.

But right now, the most important thing is the meet up this afternoon. I don't think of it as 'revisiting' our childhood or whatnot - well, maybe to an extent - but more like trying to rebuild what we've lost. I don't want us all to grow apart merely because of our age and responsibilites. In the long run, we have only each other, and that will make all the difference.

Class is over now. I hope to see you all at the meet up!

 
 
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
 
 
walkwithmyheart
20 September 2007 @ 09:53 am
 OOC OOC OOC OOC POST

Just like Ava, I will be blatantly stealing from the wonderful ATLA roleplay omashu_mills. If you see, in the beginning of a post:

 [PRIVATE]

DO NOT COMMENT IT, IT IS A PRIVATE POST. This was you will be able to see Melchy's private thoughts, because it won't actually be locked. Everyone who friends this journal will be able to read everything BUT DON'T COMMENT THE PRIVATE ENTRIES OKAY just pretend that your character doesn't know that they exist.

Same goes for:

 [LOCKED TO username] OR  [LOCKED FROM username]

Like before, everyone will be able to see both, but you should pretend, just for the sake of the canon in the RP, that your respective character did or didn't see that. For example, the first one, if I locked it to Ilse, only SHE should comment on it and only SHE should post about it in her journal, if she has a reaction to it.

For the second one, everyone else will be able to comment the entry except the person that I locked it from. So if I locked Ilse from the entry, Ava would still be able to read it, but she should NOT comment on it with Ilse's journal and should pretend that Ilse didn't see it.

Does that make sense? Omashu Mills explains it much better than I do.

This will be fun!

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